So we don’t have a dishwasher. Well, we do, but it comes in the way of our own hands, soap, and little scrubby wand. And dishes are neither mine nor my sweet hubby’s favorite thing to do. Still better than baseboards, but you know how it is. So when I finally do come do dishes, there’s usually a pile that will completely restock our cabinets once I clean them. And somehow once I settle into doing them, washing dishes doesn’t seem that bad. I remind myself to be thankful we have dishes and running water in our home. But there is one dreaded thing that for some reason drives me bonkers – the way my husband puts all the utensils in a bucket and just leaves them there. I don’t know why, but this utensil stash pricks me the wrong way. And here’s the kicker – he knows it. I’ve told him. So when I went to do dishes this morning and the dreaded bucket of utensils was there again, I fought back the urge to text him some not so nice things.

But God’s been working on me lately. It seems like every Bible study I have – from studying in God’s Word to studies to podcasts – have been talking about capturing my thoughts and the way I relate to my husband. I was listening to Joyce Meyers talk the last few days about how we can choose to let negative thoughts (like I can’t believe he did that again) take over, or we can choose thankful and good thoughts instead (like how thankful I am that he had done most of the other dishes). Then I was listening to a marriage podcast when they said “If Jesus lives in you and in your spouse, then when you talk to your spouse, you should be talking to them as you would talk to Jesus.” Would I chew Jesus out ever? Much less about something as silly as utensils in a bucket. Ouch. Time to shut up, Stacy.

So what about you? Are you talking to your brothers and sisters in Christ – whether they are your spouse, kids, or the person that sits in your spot in the sanctuary on Sunday- the way you would talk to Jesus? Are you treating other vessels of The Holy Spirit with the respect they deserve? I’m not preaching to you. I’m actually asking myself these questions. Am I praying for my Brothers and Sisters in Christ that irritate me? Let’s be honest that there are some of them, and I probably annoy some of them, too. We’re a family and just like my children disagree, we will disagree with our family in Christ sometimes. But the main thing is they are my family and we all have the same Father. So when disagreements, annoyances, and such happen, am I treating them with the love of Jesus? Am I treating them as I would treat Jesus? It’s time we look past the differences, past the annoyances, past the clashes in personalities. It is time to simply forget the silly utensil bucket and do what needs to be done. It is time to love like Jesus for His glory.

I don’t expect anyone to read this. I’ve decided I need a place to work through my perimenopausal brain, and this seemed like a good one. But if you’d like to know what’s been going on around here – this is probably the place to figure it out. Most of my job as a homemaker is to keep the chaos in somewhat order. That, in and of itself, is a full time job.

I’ve been wanting so desperately to move to a farm for so long. But lately, I started to realize the pressure I’ve been putting on my husband, Jeff. I also realized how incredibly ungrateful I’ve been for all that God has blessed us with. We have a home that actually works and has enough rooms for the 5 of our 7 kids that still live here with us. We have almost half an acre of land for the kids, dogs, garden, and us to enjoy. I’ve been incredibly ungrateful and that stopped a few days ago. I deleted Zillow off my phone, cleared out my “dream home” Pinterest board, and told Jeff I am happy where we are and want to stay here. And I’m not just faking it. God has been showing me that my body can’t handle a full fledge farm – I’m losing weight to have both knees replaced and a spinal fusion of my L5/S1. I don’t know why this stuff happened to me, but I know God can use me even through it. Through my weakness, His strength shines. I needed a wake up call and finally came to my senses.

So what does that mean for us? It means next Spring I don’t plant my garden in pots. Jeff is going to build me a raised garden in the backyard. I still want to grow as many fruit, veggies, and flowers as we can, but now I can do it in a stable environment instead of one where I’m ready to leave at any moment.

We’re going to properly fence in the yard and make repairs to our home to make it the home we love and not the “in-between” we’ve been living in. It means decluttering as much as I can because things have gotten way too cluttered around here. It means putting up some walls in the house, finalizing the half bath downstairs, and making this house into the home it can be.

And I’m honestly excited about it. I’m scared out of my wits about the money it will take, but God is working on the fears I wrestle daily. I’m learning to trust Him as I walk in obedience. So for today, when the bank account is empty, I will do the work that is free except for some elbow grease. Today I clean and rearrange what I can. Today I can pick out paint colors so when we do have debt paid down some and are ready to start repairs, I’m prepared with a plan. Today I homeschool our kids and pray God will give me grace and wisdom to do whatever He has for me today. After all, that’s what faith is. One foot in front of the other, day after day, hour after hour, trusting God to give me the next step. (and I might fit in some crochet)

–Stacy